Antediluvian Man

Becoming Human in a Man's world

Sadness Isn’t Weakness. Anger Isn’t Strength.

Bill Burr recently said something that stopped me in my tracks: “Men are allowed to be one of two things: angry or fine.” It’s funny because it’s uncomfortable. And maybe it’s uncomfortable because there is some truth buried underneath the joke. Watch the Bill Burr clip on YouTube For a lot of men, those really…
Don’t Fight Back. Fight Forward.

About six weeks ago, I moved into an apartment I never imagined I’d be living in. Some days have been surprisingly good. My boys have come over for movie nights, we’ve laughed together, and for a few hours life has felt almost normal. Those evenings remind me that while life has changed, it isn’t over.…
Staying the Course

There are moments during a separation when a single interaction can feel bigger than it really is. A text goes unanswered. A conversation is shorter than you hoped. An exchange of belongings happens at the front door instead of inside the house you once shared. Those moments hurt. Recently, my wife asked that any items…
The Hardest Phone Call Is the One You Don’t Make

My wife and I recently separated. After years of living together, I moved into a small apartment a few miles away. The first few days were strange. There was some contact, but not much. Then the reality began to settle in. I was alone. What surprised me wasn’t the practical side of living alone. I…
How to Not Make It Worse

When you’re still living together, but it’s already over We’ve agreed to divorce. There wasn’t a single explosion at the end. No final door slam. Just a decision that landed, and stayed. And now I’m still here. In her home. In the same rooms where most of the damage was done. That creates a strange…
Living in the “In Between”

I’m not writing this as someone who has figured it out. I’m writing this as someone sitting right in the middle of it. My wife and I have told our adult children. I’ve told my siblings. The truth is out there now, and yet… nothing is fully resolved. We’re still living in the same house,…
Living in the Same House While Divorcing: A Guide for Men Who Want to Finish Well

Divorce doesn’t always start with slammed doors. Sometimes it starts with two people sitting at a kitchen table saying, “We can’t keep doing this.” If you and your wife are planning to divorce but will live in the same house for 12–18 months while you unwind things, you are stepping into one of the hardest…
Getting Back on Track After an Anger Relapse

I didn’t want to write this post. Not because I don’t believe in the work, but because this month I fell flat on my face. After more than a year of doing well — real progress, fewer explosions, more self-control — I blew my top two or three times. All of them with my wife.…
After the Rage: When the Anger Is Gone but the Fear Remains

There was a time when my anger filled every room.Rage episodes. Explosions. Words I couldn’t take back.That part of my life is over. And yet—this is not the victory story I imagined. I no longer blow up. I no longer terrify the people I love with my volume or my volatility. From the outside, it…
How Do You Communicate When There’s Years of Resentment Between You?

For men doing the long, painful work of change I am not a therapist… I am just a guy trying to do the work. Some days I win, some days I fail. That being said, fifteen years is a long time to carry anything—love, pain, resentment, hope. When you’ve been working on yourself for years—therapy,…