Antediluvian Man

How many men out there are “smart”? You know the answer before the question is complete. You don’t want idle chit chat… you want to move on from this problem and on to the next. But why?

So I asked ChatGPT and it came back with:

• Societal expectations: Men are often expected to be the “fixers” and “providers” in relationships and in society. They may feel pressure to solve problems and come up with solutions rather than simply listening and empathizing.
• Difficulty in expressing emotions: Some men may have difficulty expressing their emotions and may feel more comfortable focusing on problem-solving instead.
• Past experiences: Men may have had past experiences where they were rewarded for problem-solving and not for listening.
• Lack of listening skills: Men may not have learned effective listening skills and may not know how to respond in a way that is supportive and empathetic.
• Lack of understanding of the importance of emotional support: Men may not understand the value of emotional support and may not realize that listening and empathizing can be just as important as problem-solving.

Bold items are my emphasis…. not because the others are untrue per se…. but because I believe, from my experience, that the lack of listening skills and lack of understanding of the importance of emotional support are what, in general, we understand the least.

When I listen, it’s with an ear for solution… not feeling… not emotion… just facts to be used to solve. That, obviously, leads to the failure of emotional support. You can’t emotionally support someone when you are basically telling them how simple the solution is and inferring how superior you are to them.

I’m still failing…. especially when the discussion revolves around my behavior. It’s hard to stay grounded and rational AND be emotionally support of your partner when I choose to feel attacked because “I am the problem” (BTW – that’s just our filter which is under our control. “Choose not to be harmed and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed and you haven’t been” -Marcus Aurelius)

Solving problems emotionlessly is “little S stoic”…. Sticking with difficult conversations and emotionally supporting your partner is “big S Stoic”. Be Stoic and save your relationship.